Monday Love Pangs


Rihanna's song "Where Have You Been" keeps on playing in my head. I feel tired, but in reality I am not doing anything in my office table now. I am just waiting for news, whether I will leave again for Palawan or not.

Anyway, what I am experiencing right now is a form of depression from a blissful vacation. I just had the most memorable September vacation (although in my country, summer is usually around March, April, and May), just like a westerner in my own country.

Yes, I was in Cebu, but I never felt alienated in months until I arrived, due to my lack of Visayan linguistic skills. Somehow this alienation helped me get a new friend, who has the same scenario as myself. We are like two western tourists spending days drinking and partying for almost a week.

What about the love pangs? Well, I am single for close to 5 years now, so I will always be vulnerable to men who sexy in mind, not in body or features, and also I have this taste for men who can carry a sensible conversation for hours. This explains why I am not like any other gay guy who is always settled for one night stands and random sexual ex=ncounters.

We did crazy stuff for days, stuff that most young and hip people do, this new friend of mine actually made me realize how important it is to enjoy life, without any worries.

"Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive."

This quotation on his Facebook page is true, and this made me realize to finally end my tedious job of serving the country. Now is the time to serve my family, and of course myself - doing what I really intend to do in life: to gain culinary greatness.

We were high on the last night, and talked for almost an hour about what makes a person realize what he really wants to do in life, like working on your job - to a kind of job you really like. We never finished the topic, he had to go back to the city to catch the next day's flight.

I became sad - it is rare to see a guy, almost same as my age, who has the same wavelength in all geeky aspects. I will not see him for a long time. I was smitten to be honest with you, I let myself feel it, without expecting something in return, because what matters to me is the "mind-fuck" kind of thing, that we had over the past few days, as I experienced in our conversations. I am aware he is straight, that adds up to my love pangs these days.

On my last day in my hometown, I went to church, went back to the places we've been - and asked the Powerful Universe, to guide me, and to help me find the guy - the same kind of guy, who cherishes things that I consider sensible, who can carry out a conversation, and at the same time, who loves to hang out and enjoy life as it is.

Powerful Universe, you know this will complete me, but if the time comes that a similar situation happens, please be my Santa Knolli and consider my specifications in the future.

To you my friend, I appreciate the time you spent with me. Thank you for considering me as your drinking buddy during the last few weeks of your vacation. Your cousins will never understand me, neither my uncle and my straight friends about how I feel now. Forgive me if I fell for you on such a short time. I am just letting you know, that you are one of the few people I cherish for being bright and intelligent, on that reason alone I fell, and nothing else. I wish I can speak your language very soon, this time fluently.

I had the best time with a "one of a kind" person like yourself. You keep it up and strive for the best in life, I know, in the very near future, you will do great things. Believe.