This is going to be long and hard task - I now have to go back.

I can no longer say what I feel but in the next few words of mine it's going to be pretty tough for me to take the reality that just blew me away. The past 3 months and 3 weeks has been tedious and took a lot of effort to be connected. I just don't know what the consequences are or what would happen in the next few days. It will take me more time to pick up where I left off and be the man I was.

Today I knew that promises are just promises. They are designed not to be kept. I've heard it all from the people I knew and loved in the past. My life is just plain miserable, and the things that I invested on to whom I thought are deserving were not. They are now declared rubbish.

The only thing that gives me strength is now gone - the person who prevented me from having cold feet, the person whom I thought was the strongest, the person whom I thought was the one made his decision today - he is the one who declared to me that he is having cold feet.

It could have been my fault but hopefully when our paths meet someday, I will know the reason for his untimely decision.

I just don't know how and what kind of face I will show to the world now. I need to regain my strength. I'm bruised and torn from the inside.

I wish you well on your journey - thanks for leaving me on the side of this crazy road. It was sorta fairytale - but not a real one. I was real and you're not.