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I am immersed in the heterosexual world, but deep inside my heart I know that I am different. It took me years to realize and know my true self. I am different in ways you can expect of a gay person: bubbly, funny, loud, expressive. That's it. I still have my values in which up to this day I keep to save myself from the negative side of being gay. By the way, the negativity that surrounds our world is made by stereotyping made by other people, so I am aware that I am still influenced by the hetero world in some ways.

Last Saturday, I was invited by one of the performers in this cool place somewhere in Cubao to video their performance. It's called "Palawan 1 and 2" and it was one crazy but fun place. I suddenly developed this craving for partying, of course with my trusted friend from the office (they introduced me to that place, the first night I met this guy, the present kryptonite). I was with him and his friend that night. Here's a video of Mamu, one of the Foxy Ladies:



After the show I met Mamu in person and known a few things about each other like our fondness of Beyonce Knowles and the recent concert. He is one of the loneliest people (including me) in this world of ours and from what I learned from our short chats, I realized that we are all bruised and in search of the other person whose willing to take our baggages. I actually packed mine weeks ago, only to find out that this kryptonite whom I adored so much announced that he hasn't packed yet. The decision is well respected of course, that's why we are playing the friendly card.

I also met other guys who actually pissed me off that night. I felt like I was a hetero again when this incident happened. Kryptonite has a friend who showed interest in me. I was friendly enough to take his actions on me. What pissed me off was when I encountered him half an hour later in a fast food wash room, forcing me to talk to him inside the cubicle. I declined and then another action was done which sent me straight to rage. I was able to keep my cool after a 2 minute walk outside the restaurant.

I am just protecting myself I guess. I'm no one-night-stand person. The only thing that is straight in me is my loyalty to the person I like, should I say, the person I need. I am finding ways to send the message to him in the past few days, my sincerity and other stuff. I don't care if he's more effemminate or more playful than me. I'm not loving his sexuality, I am loving the person in him. I need someone like him in my life.

I hope I can send the message across in the next few weeks.

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