The MEMO

2 comments
In the light of the recent events in my office, particularly my salary appraisal, let me post this one to remind you that not all things about your work is serious. A little fun MEMO like this is appropriate. You may copy and send this one to your company's distribution email list the day before you resign. This will knock them out!
Enjoy :-)

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Subject: HR Memo
To : All Employees
Effective IMMEDIATELY

Dress Code

1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.

2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

Sick Days

We will NO longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness.

If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.



Holidays

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturday & Sunday.


Toilet Use

1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.


2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.


3. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.


4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.


Lunch Break

1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.

2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.



The Management

2 comments:

Coldman said...

Hahaha!

kakainis sila. =)

loudcloud said...

hahahahahhahahahahahahhahaha dapat sa office namin nacirculate to! LOLZ