Beyond the past


I had a difficult childhood. But I survived everything with the help of my ever-loving mom. Sometimes I blame dad for taking away my childhood. I could've enjoyed it with kids of my age. I could've been more complete.

But that was part of the past now, and I believe I already made my move.

I just don't know why my past frustrations keep coming back in my dreams. The last time I had a dream was 3 weeks ago. I dreamed of our old home in San Pablo City. It was at its majestic state, and everyone was in that house except for my dad. All I remembered was my mom and I reclaimed it from its previous buyer, and we both felt happy about it.

The moment I woke up I was crying. I immediately sent a text message to mom about my dream and how it made me depressed. She called me when I arrived at the office trying to relieve me. She said to forget about it and be thankful of what we have achieved so far. She comforted me somehow.

Today I had another dream. Again, it was the house we had 14 years ago. This time, I was with my real dad. All I remembered was he invited me inside and we exchanged words of forgiveness to each other. Then I saw mom fixing her things with my sister. The weird thing is my sister appeared as a 4 year old kid before. I went to my room to fix my things. Then it rained terribly and water came in through several small holes in the roof, it got all our things wet. The reason why it happened is that our house roof hasn't changed since we had it in 1993.

And then I woke up. It was raining outside.

This recent dream didn't make me depressed at all. I didn't text mom about it to tell her how I feel. She doesn't want me to feel bad about the past.

I just don't know why this house that I loved so many years ago keeps coming back in my dreams. And why is that the person who destroyed me is in there?

Sigh, I gotta get back to work.