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CLUELESS

I stumbled upon my semi-organized room. I tried to clean some of my stuff inside my blue bedroom. I fixed som of my precious and not-so-precious items: DVDs, Audio CDs, my reviewers and photocopied stuffs from the library, my photos. I tried to arrange my CD collection and somewhere in the process I found this CD.


THE ART OF LETTING GO by Universal Records


Familiar?


I tried to throw it but I said to myself, It'll come in handy, especially when the senti moment comes. When I went home from school, I saw this CD again, waving hello to me, saying "Hey! Wanna let go of some things?"


ANO BA?


What's wrong with people nowadays? Ano ba ang posisyon ng mga planeta nagyon at sinasabaw ang mga tao ngayon. (Sabaw means senti, dahil pag senti ka, according to my friend Dan, yung pakiramdam mo ang utak mo ay nakalutang sa sabaw.)


Sa totoo lang, senti na ako simula pa noong Monday, after recovering from influenza last week.


Pinagbigyan ko ang CD na muling mapatugtog. Nothing happened until Track # 11 played next.


UNTIL I GET OVER YOU by Christina Millan


Sinubukan kong wag magpa-apekto. I lit an ASTRO cigarette to ease the soupiness of the situation.


Then came Jann Arden's INSENSITIVE.


P***ng**a, kaya ko pa.


Hanggang sa kumanta ang kababaihan ng Wilson Philips.

YOU'RE IN LOVE

When will I ever receive the blessing of letting go?


***************************************************************************************


I'm now 21 years old.


A lot happened in me since I was 17 years old. I felt older and older until I reached this certain age. The age where I'm looking forward for my independence. Damn, when I reached 18, na-felt ko na hindi na ako masyadong ginagalaw ng mom ko. Blessing yun kahit papaano, she gave me the freedom to choose, even in some of my crossroads in life where I have to make some decisions, she didn't even moved a hand to tap me and say "Hey.."


I still love my mom despite the differences we have.


***************************************************************************************


Sana ang buhay ay madaling ayusin, tulad ng kwarto kong magulo.


Na-felt ko parang may dapat pang ayusin sa akin.


I have a lot of closures to fix. I want closure: from Persian Carpet and everyone who came in my life. The very reason why I don't want to commit myself in a relationship, for now, because there are so many things left unfinished in my life.


In times like these, people around me hate me. Some noticed me that I was not jolly, the whole day. Sanay silang makulit ako. I appear manly daw pag seryoso ako.


Ma at Pa.


Wala na ba akong K mag muni-muni?


***************************************************************************************


Naiisip ko kanina na sana hindi ko na lang nakilala si Persian Carpet.


Sa totoo lang, long-term ang effect niya sa buhay ko.

I later realized, siya ang nakapag-pagulo ng buhay ko.

He is the reason why I got messed up years ago.

Although I'm experiencing aftermaths lately, still, hindi ko na lang sana siya nakilala.

Nakakainis.

Fixing yourself is hard, especially when the spare parts aren't available.


***************************************************************************************

I feel like an old f**k.

________________________________

Bend And Break

by Keane
Hopes and Fears (2004)

when you when you forget your name

when old faces all look the same
meet me in the morning when you wake up
meet me in the morning then you'll wake up

if only I don't bend and break
I'll meet you on the other side
I'll meet you in the light
If only I don't suffocate
I'll meet you in the morning when you wake

lovesick, bitter and hardened heart

aching, waiting for life to start
meet me in the morning when you wake up
meet me in the morning then you'll wake up

if only I don't bend and break

I'll meet you on the other side
I'll meet you in the light
If only I don't suffocate
I'll meet you in the morning when you wake

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